Random Brain Rant.

I feel like it would really suck to be a weather man. I mean sure there is a science to the calculation of what the weather might possibly do if history repeats itself and things line up just right. But what happens when The Lord decides to do His own thing and bring snow in the summer or rain for a whole year while you're pointing at your little screen telling everyone that it's going to be seventy-five and sunny and that they should take their kids to the beach. Also, the weather man has the potential to be a public figure for his area, and especially for that sweet old lady that never turns the channel away from the news and sees you every time you come on screen. Suppose you go on a streak where everything you say is blatantly wrong. Not only have you let down the town but the sweet old lady who trusted you and went to the store thinking she was safe because you told her it was sixty-five and sunny and she got to Walgreens and it rained on her new wig. But, then again people these days will just look down at their iPhones and blame Apple if the weather is wrong.

Eyes Shut.

The definition of sleep is "to take the rest afforded by a suspension of voluntary bodily functions and the natural suspension, complete or partial, of consciousness", just reading that, ironically, gets me excited. That is just the best thing in the world, to just be knocked slam out and not think but just to rest and enjoy your dreams or your thoughtless heavy breathing. I just woke up and my sleep made me feel so amazing that I got up, walked over to my computer and began this rant. I love sleep! Why do you think people are ready for summer? Pizza? Sure. The beach? Of course. But a huge part of it is just having the chance to lay in your comfortable bed for hours upon hours with no responsibilities attached. Lying in your bed without a preconceived notion to get up and work on a school assignment is God's gift to summer for students. I don't often dream anymore, and it might be because I stay awake until I am so tired that as soon as I lay down I'm gone, past any stages where a light sleep would occur and I have dreams that I would actually remember. Enjoy sleep while you can, I hear adults don't get enough of it. 

Pre-grad Summer Thoughts.

Summer is here!  The playlists are increasing and the beats per minute in all of the extremely hype music that will prepare us for our ongoing adventures is going up faster than car stereos will allow!

But there is still one thing; I would like to have access to my diploma. Since I do not have it now, on the night of my graduation (June 5th) I will extinguish the fire in my soul set by the raging sounds of the summer that I long for. I am ready to storm the mall and expand my summer wardrobe. In a few weeks, when I am no longer held back by the codes of The Academy and the chains of administrative eyes have been broken, I will shout for joy, gift cards in hand and I will run like mad straight for the shoppes. Although it may seem that clothes are minimal for the summer - which they are but hello, have you felt this humidity?- every piece counts. From the basic tees, the perfect cutoff or cuffed shorts, right down to your favorite tank the summer uniforms are here and I long to be restricted to their high fashion call! Down with the dress code, up with my sanity!

What If...College Edition.

What if all my clothes don't fit? Oh gosh, my clothes are NOT going to fit. My shoes? But what if my roommate steals? What if we end up living in a continuous awkward energy? I hate awkwardness, but I guess I can't help how someone else responds to me. I guess I can be "that girl" that's too forward, or too aggressively trying to make things not awkward. I mean I'm going to have to live with this person! What if there's no good lighting for when I do my makeup? If there's no room for a floor length mirror my life will be over, and I will shed a tear. I will be judged if I set up a well-lit desk mirror for sure. But who cares. Looking good at events where I will be doing my networking is imperative to me; basically the equivalent to making the Dean's List. But wait, I need a new case for my jewelry! Oh crap. This is going to being the hardest, most frustrating, best transition of my entire life. Yes, all eighteen years of it. But, here I go, I'm really going to do this. I'm going to go out there and make an impact; and it's gonna be a great one.

What A Senior Year....

And it's not even over yet!! That's the part I am most excited about. The fact that I am having a truly blessed and amazing time of my life and there are still months ahead before the very end is beyond words (but here's a few because why not). Can I just say that being admitted into the 2015 freshman class at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill is an honor and a privilege that I do not take lightly. I am amazed and excited for the future opportunities. No matter how much it hurts to hear this, high school choices matter people, and I am so glad I made the right ones. Secondly, the fact that I could be a part of Triangle Volleyball Club's first blue team (kind of a "B" team) to qualify to earn a bid into the USAV national junior girls tournament is just awesome, and tiring. Being a blue team as opposed to black, which is the top team of your age group, you sometimes feel the need to prove yourself as good enough in spite of the fact that the title is not supposed to weigh much bias on the level of skill. To work as hard as we did and pull it off feels, at times, unreal. I love my team and I love this life God has given to me. He is risen. Happy Easter.

Decisions.

Be careful of others; people can tear you down just as quickly as they can lift you up. As childish as it is to choose big life decisions based on others' opinion, it is something that we often do. Some people just want to yield to their rebellious voice inside. There's something about going the way that everyone expected you to that drives people insane. I can understand that. Feeling like you have allowed people who hardly know you to speak on your future can leave an impression of weakness. It can make you feel as if you gave in to the pressure of their opinion. In a perfect world, people outside of your loved ones would attend to their own business and keep their comments to themselves. But, in reality, we must learn to isolate the non-sense from the necessary and listen only to the voices that matter. We can't forget to listen to our own voice - after all it is YOUR life to come. We have to use our discernment to filter through the voices. It's not like there aren't good voices to hear, we just need to take the time to discriminate against the negatives.

3rd Quarter Blues.

Blogging is hard when there's a deadline and no inspiration. When there's nothing to say there's nothing to say! (To which a teacher will probably reply, "There's always something to say Qieara.") No. Not this time. Isn't it bad enough that there's a butt-ton of work to do in this seemingly endless third quarter of school that's super busy and under-cared for? I guess that's something to talk about, so let's keep this word count rolling people! Each class has like six tests that these teachers are trying to crank out during this quarter so that you can "keep learning the material". Bleh. These teachers and I both know that us students do NOT care nor do we desire to learn this stuff, unless you teach an elective... a fun elective at that (sorry gen eds). And why should I care to learn about British Literature? Any writing that I'd ever be doing or want to do is strictly American. If anything I'd rather learn to be a little more Italian or Parisian, but whatever. And what's up with teachers being all strict on paying attention? I mean the way I see it, so long as we are being quiet enough for you to hear yourself teach or to pretend that we hear you, then I don't see the harm in letting us doodle or roam the Internet (which is safely guarded by The Academy's tech wardens so no worries). I guess this is why I have teacher relationship issues. But whatever.

The Beginning of the Rest of This.

Trying to begin building the "rest of your life" is not only a bit intimidating, but it is also really really hard. Having a plan in the first place is a big step that many are starting to take right out of high school, and even during. This means that the competition in every field is becoming more and more fierocious. Everyone keeps saying you need to have that one thing or experience that makes you "stand out". UGH! If I hear that one more time I'm going to skip screaming and just go straight to crying. If you knew what they meant by "standing out" wouldn't you be doing it?! They (being the college, business, or whoever you're marketing towards) would have picked you out themselves already. The whole thing is just frustrating, trying to be what these businesses and schools want and need. And then there's the thought of getting into something and its not at all what you thought it would be, or it's exactly what you were thinking but you hate it. The entire thing is a big risk. But of course - without a way to avoid this cliché - that's life. And I apologize if while you were reading this post you thought there'd be an inspiring ending with all of the answers. I'm just a lazy senior, go away.

Beyoncè All the Way.

Who the nuts is Beck?! Who the nuts are these big shot people in charge of selecting the nominees and winners of Grammys? Who?! I would like to know what in the world is so freaking special about this little (and unattractive) man that won Album of the Year over BEYONCE! This is craziness. I've never heard of this guy, I mean he was nominated so I'm sure he's great or whatever but I am willing to bet that he hasn't gotten millions of girls around the world super hype before going out. And I'm also willing to bet that he's never helped anyone sing a sassy song to kick their ex to the curb to. And I know that he hasn't done whatever it is that he does in stilettos while singing and dancing perfectly in tune and on the beat n that order. Boom. Not better than Queen Bey. Sorry not sorry. 

I Am Junie B.

My parents wonder why and how I turned out so sassy. I often suggest that it's simply mimicry of the attitude of the woman that I live with and call "mom", but I've been told that that suggestion is way off. Anyways, my second approach leads to the idea that it started subconsciously early on. My parents and grandparents always wanted me to read, or listen to them read when I couldn't. Like any other family, they wanted me to expand my vocabulary, do something beneficial with my time, and learn to love reading, since it is something I'll be doing a lot of for the rest of my life. Once I was old enough to pick out and read my own books at the library, I picked out the classic childhood humors. I've never been one for facts. Series such as: Amelia Bedelia, Dr. Seuss, Little Critter, Dear Dumb Diary, Goosebumps and my favorite, Junie B. Jones! What they didn't know is that the hilarious and mischievous fictional kindergartener known as Junie B. (The B stands for Beatrice) was helping mold their own little one into the spunky kid that always kept them busy. I lived by those books! They made me laugh out loud way before it was a well known acronym. I admired Junie B.'s outspoken bravery and her plots and schemes to get her way. There was no way for my parents to know I was taking mental note of these tiny adventures; they just saw the bright "I Can Read!" sticker on the front cover and assumed it was safe. But whether it be "the Stupid Smelly Bus", "a Little Monkey Business", or "Her Big Fat Mouth" Junie B. Jones was truly an inspiration.

Blessed.

This has been an amazing birthday so far and the day is not even here yet! I have been so blessed to spend time with my friends and parents. I feel like at the end of the day I have some consistent, amazing people in my life that continue to bring me joy, laughter, and support. Turning eighteen, seemingly all of a sudden, is crazy. Sometimes I want to go back to being five years old and clueless. But, then I realize I love where I am in my life; I love this discovery phase where I'm finding out who I am and who the people are that are really gonna be there for me. I love the element of not knowing that comes along with the transition out of high school. As scary as it is to wonder about my future, it's all the same, just as exhilarating. Of course gifts are pretty great too, but my life would be equally as great without them. My friends and family make me feel so genuinely happy! I'm just randomly smiling even though I have all of this homework to do before morning (of my birthday *frown*). But who cares, JESUS LOVES ME IN SPITE OF BAD GRADES! Hallelujah!

Chapter 12: Senior Year.

It is so weird to live my life now thinking about how just about everything that I do is for the last time. As a senior in high school, I'm closing a lot of doors in my life in order to prepare for, hopefully, something much greater. I can say that coming to the end of the road with a lot of my friends makes me a much more emotional person. And I'm also a lot more blatantly honest; there's no more time to be fake. I've had to cut a lot of people off, and straight up not let a lot of people in. Not to say that I know it all, but I definitely feel that I've grown in my abilities to discriminate real from pseudo relationships. Caution: new life ahead; all dead weight must go. Wrapping up the first tournament of my last club volleyball season has definitely scurried my emotions. I played so much harder knowing that I'll never be back to play at that convention center ever again. I found myself quietly looking around at my teammates when we hung out in the hotel, just appreciating the opportunity to do what I love with such awesome friends. I think more in depth now. I consider my future with everything I see, whether it's the results of my own decisions (both positive and negative) or someone else in my life. At the same time that I'm thinking through it all, I'm making sure to let go at the appropriate time and live in these moments. Excited for my next chapter, I'm not going to miss a single word of the one I'm in.

Rainy day.

To everyone who was rude to me today because I decided to dress myself in spite of a little rain (but it was low key a monsoon, just saying) and not look like a tee-shirted Ugg-wearing bum like you did, *breathe* may God bless your weary, hating soul. Calling me a "try hard" and what not is just childish and it makes me laugh. There's no need to be nasty to others honey. Why? Because now I'm winning! Ha! To everyone who was their normal selves, and indifferent to my choices (because it's really no one's business anyway) thank you. And if you said something sweet, super thank you. Spread the good vibes folks. I'm all about females supporting females and people empowerment in general. I don't seek to tear down anyone who hasn't come for me. Everyone who, like me, looked out of their window and decided to go against that urge to put on a hoodie and rain boots CONGRATULATIONS you are a participant in social norm abandonment, my favorite thing. Let's be real, it's not like I put on nice outfits everyday no matter what; that's wishful thinking. I simply wanted to respond to the hate I received for standing out; nothing new.