"Like you mean it."

I recently posted a snapchat selfie captioned, "Own 2015. Like you mean it." I received some commentary (from one person because no one actually cares about what I post, so just play along) asking me what it means to specifically own the entire year "like you mean it". I can see how that would seem difficult since we live in the age of owning the night, but then never getting past the aftermath; allow me to briefly elaborate. The first part, owning the year, comes with confidence. You must have some! If you don't, then don't waste your time trying to obtain this larger-than-life state of mind that I am trying to encourage you to have. And when I say "like you mean it" I mean to storm into the new year with purpose! You may not know the exact purpose every moment of every day (God knows I don't) but do everything with some sort of meaning. If you go to the store, put on your adorable chill outfit and wink at the hottest guy you see. If you go to the movies with your friends, be the cutest girl in the group and wave at the hottest guy you see. And if you go to a party, stay gorgeously sober and keep your hands to yourself! 

Too Fast?

Are we going too fast? What happens if we never wait for anything ever again? Is this bad? Are you confused? I am. I mean I want the fast shipping, fast metabolism, fast food, and fast wifi just as much as the next blogger but when will it start to hurt us? Will doing what is easy begin to effect our desire to do what is right? I am honestly trying to get out of question mode here but I just have so many. I am just a high school writer so obviously I don't have the answers, so I guess I thought that if I typed my questions out I could unravel them. Newsflash: that ain't how it works. High school is overrated. It's not answering any of my life questions and is only teaching me to hate these people. Too much? Whoops. Honesty just happens sometimes. Are we all zoned? Even the most focused is lacking somewhere. Maybe we should put it all in slow motion, let's think about our futures and our decisions and our right-nows all at the same time. Let's think about others. Or about each other. I know the kid in Africa needs your clothes and water, but the kid in home room needs your kindness.

Aimless...?

As a teenager of course there are nights where I would love to just sit around and let my mind wander. Then take a nap, wake up, and think about absolutely nothing over a bowl of Frosted Flakes in my "Qi's Cereal" bowl. I dream of an endless summer. I dream of beauty, inside and out of everyone (it wouldn't be any fun to be a perfect person if the ones around me were all bums.) In a wonderland where we were all the epitome of this chill being that we all wanted to be. Icy. Sitting on a rooftop with anyone you wanted to until 3AM talking about life. Talking about your pathetic life (if you have first world problems your life is probably pathetic in the grand scheme of things, accept it) discussing whatever you wanted until it was time for more food. Just sitting around and enjoying an entire album with your friends, just once. No drugs, no alcohol, completely of sound mind. For some that would be too much to bear. Being able to hear your thoughts is scary. I don't know, maybe that should scare us; maybe there are some things that we should not know that we are capable of. Just stop thinking, and eat your own box of pizza on the Friday night of a three day weekend.

Should I Really Care?

Is there a point in letting the incompetence of others interest me? Never have I ever been perfect in any regard but is that not even more of a reason to keep my opinions to myself? Selfishness alert! Of course I have to care about other people's incompetence. And along the way it is even more important to fix myself. People need help, and I do not have the right to deny anyone that help. Sometimes I feel like I am this monster of an unsolvable problem and mess, so I just put on my headphones and block out all of my life's crap. But who are we, as human beings to ignore the silent cry of our neighbor? We should always be looking to lend a helping hand or better yet a hug. Hugs (and pizza) can cure just about anything. A good hug can just set a good day over the edge for me so I should be so lucky to be able to offer that loving feeling to anyone else. I will continue to build myself, to be a person that anyone can learn from. Selflessly is really the on,y way to live. The self-consumed will eventually only have themselves to hold. That would really suck.

For my Grade's Sake.

Let's argue until I am blue in the face. Please. I've got time. There is no way I am going to sit here and settle for a B in Bible class just because you, as a teacher want to get all specific about rubrics and regulations at the very end of the semester. No. Let's just get rational and talk this out until I come home with a ninety-three. I will write some extra Bible verses (although I would much rather avoid having to go that far) and I will bake you some cookies. And no, I am not giving up social media for a test grade. Just give me the A! Can I get a grade for being a Christian?!? There is no such thing as a B in Christian Apologetics. Anything less than an A is unacceptable. I do not do Bs in Bible! Merry freaking Christmas. Ho. Ho. No. Where is my tidings of goodness and joy? Don't give me the whole "put yourself in my shoes" speech about how you feel like I'm not paying attention just because I am pinning on Pinterest. I mean come on just stop. Let's stop the Christian on Christian crime end.

The Knightly Knews!

Being one of the main anchors on my high school's  news show is not all it could be. You would think that I could be a school-wide star! But I guess the news would have to actually be decent in order for that to occur. I mean we try to do a good job, but most of the time if it's funny in your head, that's not the case out loud. All of the pressure to be funny and super entertaining can be overbearing. I think he student body forgets that we also have to get it to pass the administration's approval as well as make it to their liking. Talk about a tough job. Being on air with my cast members is so much fun. Between messing up the lines every take and that one golden clip where everyone just nails it, we have an amazing time. Editing is not my favorite but I definitely take the responsibility seriously to make sure that all of our hard work shines through. There are some moments when a middle school kid will run up to me asking if I'm "that girl from the Knightly Knews" and it is one of my proudest and flattering moments. I live for those days. Is that sad?

Because I can't.

I simply cannot deal with studying for exams. It's like I am literally so close to the end. I mean yeah, sure it's my fault for not trying hard enough in the first place (the reason I am at such a breaking point) but can I just get some extra credit for being me and move on with my life? And this goes for everyone. I'm feeling like if you were able to get a B in the class that is a 90 or above, then you achieved the most possible for he tiny a,out of studying you did. I mean clearly you did your work, if you did no work AND didn't study wouldn't you have a C? I'm proud to say I have never had one of those. Ok teachers, hands up, you got us; we were coasting by in your class. But can you blame us? School takes up like 8 hours of your already jam packed day. As a teenager with a life (and we're not even diving into social life yet) and a schedule, can we catch a break? I know no teacher wants to hear this because of all of the "easy grades" they give to "help" us but I just needed to complain. That's what blogs are for. Welcome to my outlet.

Words.

These are a few words to live by...you might hate them or think they are stupid but they turn me up so read on and be inspired.

"A piece of clothing should be like a work of art." -Rosita Missoni

"Fashion is very important. It is life-enhancing and, like everything hat gives pleasure, it is worth doing well." -Vivienne Westwood

"Playing dress-up begins at age 5 and never truly ends." -Kate Spade

"There is no need to dress like everyone else. It's much more fun to create your own look." -Twiggy

"Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world." -Marilyn Monroe

"Fashion's about extravagance, and everyone needs a bit of that." -Carine Roitfeld

"Hearts are wild creatures that's why our ribs are cages"

"Don't underestimate the seductive power of a decent vocabulary"

"Alice: 'How long is forever?'

White Rabbit: 'Sometimes, just one second.'" -Lewis Carol

"Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman." -Coco Chanel

"Today me will live in the moment unless it is unpleasant in which case me will eat a cookie" -Cookie Monster

"What you wear is how you present yourself to the world, especially today, when human contacts are so quick. Fashion is an instant language." -Miuccia Prada

Washing.

Washing the dishes may be one of the world's worst, privileged children's household chores that it has ever been my misfortune to do. As a female, obviously I don't want to stick my hands in the piping hot water (because "it has to be hot to be clean") just so that my pretty, and already highly chippable nail polish can come right off. It ruins my whole mood. After having a great dinner with fantastic food and good conversation and all of a sudden you remember that the dishes have to be done, by you - is a fatal feeling. My entire vibe comes crashing down before I even pick up the rag and soap. It is beyond petty to be complaining about is at all but come on, it is so annoying! My kids will definitely be washing dishes just like their old lady did because it just would not be fair for me to endure this without ensuring that someone else will one day feel my pain. I think my mom is convinced that washing dishes builds character. I am not yet a convert to that theory but my kids will wash them anyway.

K or B?

So can we talk about the different ways to "break the Internet"? Apparently nudity will revolutionize the way people take their news, and can draw audiences away from surfing the Internet and push them back toward paper formatting. Does this sound confusing or stupid? Well tell Kim Kardashian who recently volunteered to commercialize her naked body parts, once again, to bring attention to Paper Magazine. A basically pointless endeavor. This petty cry for attention was no match for the way Beyoncé shut everybody down. With hardly any effort at all, Beyonce turned a fun day at the hotel with her girlfriends and daughter into a viral music video and hit single. I don't think Beyonce was intentionally trying to shut Kim up, but I have fun thinking that she did! I mean it's really just like "boom young floozy have a seat, buckle up, and see how it's done!" Beyonce has effortlessly created a fun, lady's night out anthem "7/11" that has exploded on the internet, passing Kim's fading spotlight moment and actually lasting. People respect the great Yonce because she does things no one else can. She's amazingly talented. Poor Kim, female has boobs, and a butt (especially with a little technical retouching or surgery). Nice face though. Good job, you go girl...I guess.

For Laughs.

"If you don't have that one gay person in your family, you are the gay person." -Kate Lilly's dad

This one's just for laughs folks. (Christian upbringing probs)

Waffles.

"Make a waffle" she said "It'll be quick" she said. Because of these misleading prompts by my own mom, a perfectly good morning twisted into a whirlwind of inescapable lateness. I know, that as a mother she was just trying to make sure that I had something to eat for breakfast. She means well. I just wish that she would have started the waffle for me since she thought I should have it! But no, I'm "too old for her to be making my breakfast". Standing at the waffle maker, fully dressed for once, I was so sure that I was ready to go and would be in the car on time. Well, minute after minute passes and the waffle maker doesn't beep. I'm tapping my foot, backpack on my back, still optimistic. A couple more minutes pass. Still no beep! By now I'm irritated. When I finally hear the stupid noise and see the green light I just rip the waffle out and fling it in my container and storm towards the door and turn on the alarm. I throw my things into the car but of course I'm still not ready! I forgot my phone! Now I have to go back inside, turn off the alarm, grab my phone, set the alarm again, and try to actually leave my house. The adrenaline from my hearts aggravation makes me gas it while I'm driving; it's a miracle I didn't wreck. I eventually pull into my park and walk up to my class, waffles in hand. Late.

Love/Hate Relationship: Texting.

You don't truly know what I'm trying to say or how I'm reallly trying to say it, but at the same time I can say it to you so darn quickly. Does that make it worth the miscommunication? Let's dive in. First of all, the power to look down at your phone and see someone trying to reach out to you and straight up having the option ignore them is disgustingly strong. I'm sure that it's such a good thing to be able to escape conflict so quickly. Is it a cop out or a life saver? Ultimately your decision obviously, but it is definitely something to think about. I mean it is nice when you can be the one like, "HA, you sucked at school today and were rude so therefore I'm going to ignore you, peasant." But if you are the one being ignored, it's just punishment. Miscommunicating is all too common with texts. Sure, there are dozens of emojis and you can do exclamation points and all caps yattah-yattah but I am sorry (not really) to burst your little bubble but NOTHING can translate sarcasm like a face-to-face confrontational voice fluctuation and eye roll. And what if you tell a joke via text and the person replies "HAHAHAHAHA!!! OMG!!!" with all these laughing emojis but in reality thought it was the stupidest thing ever? Then, when you go somewhere thinking you're about to tell this amazingly successful joke and even as you deliver the punch line your audiences face never changes you'll either be confused or hate that other guy for pretending to laugh. Texting: can't talk with it, can't breathe without it.

High School (Moral Slaughterhouse).

What's even happening right now? Honestly, someone tell me what is really wrong with people. Okay, so maybe you can't judge people without knowing their entire situation or whatever, but some of these humans are just nasty. Calm down. No one thinks that kids that smoke are cooler. Smokers aren't bad people, I mean some of my best friends smoke, I just need to throw out there that it doesn't make you "The Hot Stuff" (for lack of a better phrase). Switching gears here: hooking up with a bunch of different people is not cute, or even normal LOL. (Sidebar: am I allowed to "LOL" in a blog?) It's not that I'm one of those FIND YOUR SPOUSE IN HIGH SCHOOL advocates or freaks but come on. Admittedly you never know if it's hurting anything until damage is done, but you have to know random hook ups aren't necessarily beneficial. If you don't know, may God bless your weary soul. "Man, Q is just this egotistical Pharisee slaying everyone behind a screen." No people, remain calm. Anyone who knows me will tell you that as for my opinion, it's ask and you shall receive. I'm an open book for the most part. (And for those of you who have a sarcastic mind, I consider you clicking on my blog and reading my posts as asking/inquiring my opinion so boom.) I just find it interestingly unfortunate that virgins no longer have a population, but are quickly becoming an independent tribe. Oh well, who am I to tell you how to live your life? Get off my blog. Love you mean it.

P.s. Sorry for over parenthesizing.

Time Change!

I am really loving this time change. Who wouldn't love an extra hour of sleep? Not only that, but waking up with the sun brightens my spirit in the morning. The way the natural light hits my mirror illuminates my bedroom making me feel like a character in a movie (I may or may not hop out of bed and burst into song). When I can wake up and see the sun rising, it's a lot easier to have a good day. Getting in the car and having a reason to put your shades on and ride off like a boss makes the irritatingly frigid weather not so bad. Something about the sun encourages you to use your "Get Me Hype" or "Wakey Wakey!" playlist (or whatever you name your happy songs) and have a great ride to prison, or school. Finally you can take a break from those mellow songs that fit those cool rides in the dark. Start off with a song in your head and ultimately a cheesy grin on your face! I'm pretty positive the average person is more likely to be nice to someone coming into homeroom grinning. Me personally, I like to force the grumpy kids into an awkward smile by blasting them with abrasive kindness; but not everyone is on my level.

Life, Love, and Ball.

As a senior coming into your final year of the dreaded high school you think you have life, for the most part, figured out. Never in my life did I ever think that in my senior year, I could be impacted by a bunch of underclassmen. My 2014 varsity volleyball team changed everything. These girls are my pride and joy and my motivation. It is unbeleivable to me how much they make me push myself to be greater; they make me want to be so much more than what I think I can give them. I look into their young faces and I feel as if I can actually see the greatness that they don't even think they're destined for. Each and every girl on my team has so much that they will accomplish, so much more that they will do when I'm gone. The growth they've shown me goes beyond anything I've ever seen. It's incredible how far we have come as a team. I am so grateful to these girls for playing their hearts out and giving me the opportunity to be a small part of the best game of my life. We left our hearts out on that court as a family. We knew we were a close-knit group before, but as the cliche goes, you will honestly never know the how much you need the girl next to you, how much she needs you, or (no matter how much they get on your last nerve) how much you want them to succeed, until it's over. I'm STILL in a daze. A part of me cannot fathom the fact that it's really over. What? What do you mean there's no practice on Monday? Now that it's over I want that time back! Give me those long practices, give me those inside jokes, the cheering, the energy, and even the attitudes. I would kill to get it all back, to do it one more time, exactly the same; I have zero regrets. Right now, in this moment I am so humbled. I am so grateful for my teammates, these weirdly awesome underclassmen who taught me something beyond what I can even articulate in my mind to write in this post; it's a mixture of appreciation and straight love. Don't ever go into any situation thinking you already know the outcome, or thinking that you alone are fully equipped to cross the finish line. Whatever road you're traveling on, don't ignore the signs just because their being held up by sophomores.

When People Are Nice.

Sweet people can just change a girls whole day, whole world even! Yesterday I had that experience. Life was rough the night before because of a small argument between me and one of my close friends. I had a game the next day and I became really nervous that the tension would wreck my concentration before the game. Both my volleyball and the boys soccer team had their first round of the state tournament that afternoon. As the volleyball team ate our team lunch, we noticed the entire soccer team get up in a sort of clump and stumble over to our table. "1, 2, 3" said Eddie as they chanted together "Good luck volleyball!" It was awesome! I got a super smile on my face as I hugged my awesome friends for their sweet gesture. My day began to turn around at that moment. On top of that, my friend and I started laughing at the same jokes and actually had a conversation together! But wait, it keeps getting better. At the volleyball game I counted at least eight fans that weren't our parents! From Castle Crazies, to faculty members, to middle school stragglers. It was great. I went from being worried about my focus to leading the team in kills and getting my own little shoutout in the morning announcements! Small acts of kindness people, it's really worth it.

Nathan. My ginger.

Nathan Pike currently resides as my all time favorite ginger. Let me tell you about this red headed hunk. Nathan is a total boss at soccer; he definitely ignited my respect for what I thought was a gay sport. When I watched my first game, I realized that the field was huge and it is near impossible to score a goal. But the "Ginger god" found a way to kick that tiny round thing full speed past the goalie! It was awesome. Nathan may appear to be quiet and to himself, but this fiery charmer is definitely a ladies man. He has multiple females in line for his affection because of his stellar awesomeness. He typically hangs out with his bros and is a chill, country boy. If there's any guy that I can imagine in our older years riding on a tractor in a cool sun hat, and shades chewing on a toothpick in his spare time, it's Nathan. Nathan's a pretty smart guy- I mean he usually scores higher than me but I'm not really sure if that's saying much. If you don't know him, get to know him. Nathan's awesome and he'll always be my red hot chili pepper.

Jared.

Jared, one name, one boy, so amazing. A mysterious being he is, that Jared. One can never be too sure about Jared. Is he happy? Is he angry? Doe he hate you, or nah? Although his facial expressions make those that do not know him confused, his complexity is his best quality. He's Jared, he doesn't have a need to explain his thoughts to outsiders. For what? All they need to know is that he is the guy in charge, the athlete to be, the man. Jared is the epitome of a chick magnet; his stature is uncontrollably attractive making him irresistible and the ultimate hottie. With his army of soccer studs by his side he is practically unstoppable. Jared is an amazing director of film and has a keen eye when it comes to the camera. If you have ever seen a film production by Jared you know this to be true, he has a creative mind and clear visions. Jared is a mellow sweetheart underneath his secretive exterior. If you ever find yourself in a position to get to know Jared take full advantage of it. And listen to bluegrass, lots of bluegrass. 

Power?

Forgetting my lipstick was today's critical fail. I am in no way bound to my makeup bag; I wear no more than three times a week. But, on the days I do wear makeup, I try to make sure every detail is as good as I can get it. Usually I don't wake up early enough to complete my entire face mission at home, so I put on the hard part (eyeliner) at home and then the easier parts (mascara & lipstick) in the school parking lot. Well of course today after suffering from three nights of straight sleep deprivation I forgot my lipstick. It really isn't that big of a deal, but at that moment I had lost my will to go on. The struggle became more and more apparent as I could not even preform basic tasks in class. My mind was totally not even present. My power seems to lie in my control. No I don't need makeup to feel pretty, like I said I don't even wear it everyday. It's the fact that I had a plan, and that plan was not executed in full and that was a problem. I need help.

I Am Senior.

School is just the struggle. Late night studying is the struggle. Senior-itis is the ultimate struggle. Motivation for a senior to do work must hide itself deep down in the darkest abyss of the origin of procrastination. The urge to do nothing at all stems from the sight of the finish line (graduation day) inching closer and closer on our calendars. Clearly the weight of college acceptance and passing our current classes should be more than enough motivation. The moments of living "in the now" and doing senior year the "right way" seem to completely override the possibilities of having no colleges find you even the slightest bit satisfactory. This logic brings shame to the hard work that once stood behind our reputations, all for a couple of parties and athletic events. It all comes down to either experience or success, though no one is limited to the two things. Some will risk it all for those few, short-lived moments of adrenaline and pleasure. It could leave them scarred or it could leave them satisfied, especially if it happens to be a quick phase or one-time thing. But, some will take the road less travelled by and stay focused on their future, keeping a keen eye out for opportunities to broaden their chance for success. Challenge yourself and take an introspective look at life and what college means to you.

Babies.

What are babies thinking? I mean they are all born into sin. So, does this mean that when they poop while sitting adorably in your lap, then dunk their tiny foot in the disturbing mush while you are trying to change their diaper on purpose? I mean all of that can't just be coincidental. Every time I babysit, if I walk past the mirror with a baby on my hip I just stop and thank The Lord that it's not mine! I have seen too many Teen Mom commercials on MTV to be even remotely excited about a future with kids. The way teen moms are portrayed in the media is a working scare tactic against teen pregnancies. These babies wait until the most disturbing moments to cry and scream. Throw away any traces of the sexual immorality you once wanted to or planned to do with your partner, for I assure you the result (at least the first couple years of it) will be brutal. Not to forget the internal destruction for the mother as the baby sucks nutrients and food right out of her stomach! The ripping of your perfect figure and your vagina should overrule your "crazy in love" emotions and sexual attractions to any male on this planet. Talk about a fatal attraction.

Cleopatra.

Cleopatra struggles in the morning. She tries to be extremely organized e night before, but no matter how prepared she thinks she is something always slows her down. Usually her main obstacle is hitting "Snooze" but don't we all? Cleopatra has a problem deciding on whether or not what she chose to wear the night before looks right the next day. She can be very particular in that way. Cleopatra wants to look her best everyday (or at least most) like the few stylish human beings on this earth. She always finds herself pondering, "Is this necklace too edgy for this shirt?" Or "Do these pants make my butt look flat?" But when she finally makes it out the door looking as satisfying as time would allow, she cranks up her Spotify and hits the road. Belting songs from the playlist that fits her mood she pulls into her parking space. Thinking that the worst is over, she's ready to move on and go into the building, or so she thought. But then her mascara slips from her fingers into the crack between the passer seat and the middle console and she realizes life is over.

It Should Be Fun.

Outfits shouldn't always take your brain to near insanity. They shouldn't be this stressful task; instead they should be an exciting part of your day where you can go play in your closet and come out confident. Barbie was my original inspiration, and to this day, every time I get dressed I dive in with her words in the back of my mind, "Be who you wanna be" and by default (because it's so darn catchy) I have to finish the jingle, "B-A-R-B-I-E Barbie girl!" The last part is irrelevant, but my point is, choosing your clothes gives you an opportunity to create yourself your way. Why not? Start with an open mind and create a look for yourself that fulfills all of your personal desires. Use your emotions. If you're feeling sassy and you wanna be Beyoncé, go into that closet and walk out Queen B! If you're feeling bummy then go in there and come out the hottest bum anyone's ever seen. Maybe you can think of it as dressing "chill" instead of sloppy; this way you're still looking trendy on even your worst days. Get inspired. It's not copying, or unoriginal to get an idea from someone else. Keep calm, you're still yourself. 

Airport Inspo.

Wanna know why fashion and I are friends? Because it is literally everywhere!! Fashion will spontaneously appear when you aren't looking for it and conveniently when you are. Every time I see an outfit inspiration I get super excited! I get a new found joy inside just thinking of my own pieces in my closet that I can put together to give me the chill, edgy, or high-end look that I saw. I'm either racking my brain for similar items I already own or making a mental shopping list to conquer with my next paycheck. There was a particular miracle that encouraged this blog post. As I sat in my drab airport seat waiting to board my delayed plane I could have just cried. I had a ton of homework to complete, my plane wasn't departing for another hour, and on top of it all I was alone. I had been in awe of the modern bright lights, high-tech stores, and new restaurants as I walked through the airport. But with my luck my gate was I'm the plainest most sad, boring part of the building. But, as I pull out my iPad ready to do work while I sulk, I see a glimmer of hope in a seat diagonal from me. She was nothing spectacular, but in the midst of old, washed out hoodies and hideous floral tees she stood out like a lollipop in a bag of broccoli. Adorable floppy hat and booties the perfect shades of fall. Her denim button up and black leggings gave me a sense of tranquility that lifted my spirits. Thank you airport girl boarding to Minnesota. Now where can I get a hat like that?

One Thing.

Do you ever see someone and their outfit is okay but they have this one piece that is just YES? That happens quite often at my school. It's a private school so of course there's a lot of money walking around, but having money doesn't mean you know how to use it. Expensive ugly clothing makes me sad. I can't stand to see people spend so much money on things of such little fashion value! But, sometimes the people make good decisions. Basic tee, ugly skirt, CUTE BOOTIES. Bad ponytail, worn sandals, GREAT DRESS. Whole outfit's a bust, HAIR IS ON POINT. Sometimes the people just can't get it right. I get it, no one's perfect, but just try, a little. 

Shoutout to Smart People

I have so much respect for people who have the rare ability to conquer high school well. I usually consider myself pretty well-rounded. This thought proceeds to leave when although my volleyball team (which I'm the captain of) is undefeated and my social life is flourishing (as far as you know) but my AP European History grade is an 86! Arguably this is an AP class so no big deal right? Wrong. This is notably the easiest AP course at NRCA behind AP Psychology so why am I struggling?! Knowing how easy it is to fall behind the cracks I am in awe of people who can hold life down with freaking straight A's. You people are my heroes. I'm incredibly jealous of lively straight A students, but only if they appear happy in other areas. If you never make to any of the social events and consider yourself an outcast, I'm not particularly interested in finding your secret. But the ones who make it look so good, stress free for colleges because they know they have what it takes to get in. Kudos to the wise and the focused, or the naturally intelligent because you guys are truly blessed.

Have you ever?

Have you ever had a random longing and wondered why the thought even crossed your mind? Maybe these feelings brew naturally based on real necessities. Or maybe we only long for things after our surroundings lead us to believe we want them. Movies, magazines, weather, relationships. Our everyday environment influences our desires just as strongly as the media. Movies will show you a relationship so perfect, you just cry at the reality that is your life. Magazines will ask you questions about your best friend making you feel bad about how little you know; and give you tons of adventurous ideas making you want to try them all at once. Currently, this outdoor perfection that is autumn makes me think of the fair. When I think of the fair I think back to any piece of media I've ever seen dealing with adorable carnival dates and fun. As I start to make plans for everything to run smoothly and cute, I end up having to settle for going with the flow. As a teenager, the courses we run can result in adventure by nature. Why do we strive so strenuously to achieve a certain feeling? Instead of trying to obtain what it seems like we should want, let's stay young. Will there be one willing to float along side me in my life's lazy river?

I Know! Geez.

Allow me to take this one post to apologize to the male species. I'm sorry that I categorized you all under the same idiocracy as most of you. I know that there are real, live gentlemen still breathing but pardon me for not having met many. I will not ask you to look at the gender in the mirror and make a change, but I will recognize that good does exist in your kind. There is validity in the fact that not all guys are tyrants. Boys can happen to be as sweet as your great grandma when given the chance; a blessed few of them naturally don't need to be extended an invitation to be nice. Young boys turning into men of verisimilitude and fitness appeals to just about every female eye. But guys, I'm telling you to keep us girls holding on to your spontaneous youth for we will soon miss it after it has left you. We'll beg you to surprise us and give us gifts and you'll forget. So while you can still remember, please treat us well and give us memories of you to hold onto for a lifetime. With all of the complexity I know to be female, thank you for occasionally making us smile.

Who? Me?

My dear youth, do not be in a hurry to grow old. There are some responsibilities which only appear to be simple or fun to take on. Just know that the pressures are endless and the continuous presence of a watching audience is all too real. Even as a spunky teen be cautious of the tweens looking up to you. Growing up does not limit you, but it does ask more of you. There exists, of course, the freedom to do what you please. But, even greater than the existence of your new liberty are the consequences (good and bad) of what one chooses to do it. Choose fabulous people to model yourself after and focus. Being a leader is a great and awful power under which anyone has the chance to soar and crumble. I don't mean to scare anyone. Imagine when you figure most of it out (because you won't figure it all out) and you have amazing things going right in your life! Dream of all the radicals you'll have at your side devoted to your every thought. Believe in this because it will happen; whether or not you are standing for the right things, someone will always be closely watching. Clothe yourself with great things so that you will make a breathtaking model for your future fans.

Lost Cause.

Boys are such a lost cause. Like really. Either he's sweet and you have to teach him how to be the slightest bit spontaneous, or he's a crude animal and you have to smack his hand away every five seconds before giving up completely and storming off. And wouldn't you think they get better as they age? Aren't they supposed to mature? Think again. The selection process is hard and tiring and never gets any better. If you're one of the few who've found a good one, congratulations. In the most non-catty or jealous way I am really happy for you. But for everyone else, just because the battle is hard to fight it doesn't mean disable your armor or surrender completely. Eventually all jerks will get burned, and smacked with whatever suckish vibes they've thrown out there. Keep calm, and remain fabulous. The boys will leave the rusty playground to come inquire about the world's finer things at some point. And when they do, life will be exciting and flawless again. Never change.

A NoBerry Morning.

Sunny days! I woke up refusing to feel or act tired on that Monday morning. The sun rose in the sky, filling my room with enough natural light to add the finishing touches on my makeup and eye-catching accessories to my outfit. I look great, feel great and I'm out the door. On time for once, I decided to swing by Bojangles on the way to school. I park the car, grabbed my bags, my BoBerry biscuit in-hand and headed to my class. I'd heard my jam driving into the parking lot, so on my way to class I was doing this strut/bounce thing. Obviously I was too giddy for my own good because I stumbled, tossing my BoBerry high into the foggy morning sky. My mouth gaped while I watched the iced beauty fall to the concrete in shear misery. Forget having a good day. Forget that BoBerry. Forget school. I'm done.

When the Game Goes South.

     I love being there for my players. Those are my girls, my teammates, my friends. I love them all so much and I thrive on our relationship. I want so badly to see them all succeed. Today was a tough game, we took a team to four sets, and lost in a crowd-gasping heartbreaker. The twist to what sounds like just another loss was having a personal relationship with our opponent. She was a friend to a few of our girls, and an acquaintance to some others. The entire team wanted to beat her, I know we did. But for reasons unmentioned we just could not get it done. Even at two points before the final whistle I could tell the team had given up. Nothing was in our favor, from the fat, blind, old, bias referees *breathe* to our own energy on our side of the net. When the game was finally over, we were crushed. Some of the stronger members on our team were knocked down by emotion. Frustration and sadness filled to the brim of their eyes, and for some it overflowed onto their face. Deep, quick breaths- that's how I kept from crying (that and trying to make jokes with the parents), but I couldn't just ignore the others. I formed my encouraging words in my head then approached them as needed. Seeing them cry made me tear up, I fought so hard to keep it down. I needed them to be okay, I wanted to confirm in them that they had played a great game and no one could take that away from them. Some I high fived, some I caressed, some I embraced and some I simply spoke to; they all needed something different but whatever that was I had to give it to them. Being one of two seniors and the oldest on the team, it is my job, as a leader to be their rock and friend. I love those girls, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. You can't win them all. Sucks, doesn't it?

Stupid Femininity.

Why Lord?! Why?!  I would like to ask The Lord one day why in the world He felt that there was value in placing an annoying, red suicide prompt inside the female body. Monthly, or if I'm lucky once every three, this tragedy condemns me. It disables me mentally and definitely physically. For Miley's sake I cannot walk! The initial gut-wrenching feeling that throws me onto the nearest surface in a ball, curled up with my stomach and face cringing makes me mad. I don't see the point! The fact that I can't simply button my pants or even where a skirt (for fear of too much freedom) is just frustrating. Curse men. The way they complain about life sickens me, especially when there is absolutely no evidence of a monthly death in their biological histories. Blessed animals is what they are.